What you’ve been told about sex might be destroying your relationship
Since ancient times, sex has been surrounded by an aura of mystery, taboo, and misinformation. Stories passed down from generation to generation, deeply rooted cultural beliefs, and even movies and TV shows have created a true folklore about what happens behind closed doors. But is everything you’ve been told really true? And more importantly: are these so-called “truths” actually sabotaging your love life?
Today, we’re going to break down some of the most common sexual myths that could be harming your relationship. Get ready to leave behind outdated beliefs and make room for a freer, healthier, and more authentic sexuality.
Myth #1: Desire Must Be Spontaneous—If Not, Something Is Wrong
Who hasn’t heard that desire has to come out of nowhere, like a lightning bolt on a sunny day? Hollywood has made us believe that attraction should be instant and irresistible; otherwise, something must be broken in the relationship. But the reality is quite different.
The truth is that desire is not always spontaneous—it can be responsive. In other words, it can arise with the right stimuli, emotional connection, or even a simple affectionate touch throughout the day. Unrealistic expectations can make couples think something is wrong with their chemistry, when in fact, the real problem lies in the mindset imposed by this myth.
Many people believe that if they don’t feel instant desire for their partner, it means the relationship has lost its passion or that something is seriously wrong. However, sexual desire is influenced by multiple factors, including stress, routine, emotions, communication, and even physical health. The brain plays a crucial role in arousal, and often, the right context is necessary for desire to flourish.
Moreover, in long-term relationships, it’s common for desire to go through ups and downs. This doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed; rather, the couple needs to find ways to nurture their connection. Small gestures of affection, open conversations about sexuality, and moments of intimacy without pressure can help rekindle desire.
Another key point is that the media sells us an unrealistic vision of sex. In movies and TV series, couples throw themselves at each other without hesitation, as if their chemistry is uncontrollable. In real life, this can lead to frustrated expectations, making people believe their relationship isn’t “passionate enough.” But desire can be cultivated and nurtured over time through connection, communication, and the healthy exploration of intimacy.
So, if you or your partner don’t feel spontaneous desire all the time, don’t worry! It doesn’t mean something is wrong—it simply means you need to create the right environment for desire to flourish. Desire can be built and nurtured, just like any other aspect of a relationship.
Myth 2: Men Want Sex All the Time, Women Almost Never
This outdated cliché should have been buried long ago. The idea that men are constantly ready for sex, while womenneed to be convinced, is not only unrealistic but also extremely harmful to both sides.
The belief that men have an insatiable sexual appetite, while women are more reserved and “hard to get,” stems from centuries of social and cultural constructs. Historically, male sexuality has been encouraged and normalized, while female sexuality has been repressed and associated with guilt and modesty. As a result, many men feel pressured to always display desire, even when they’re not in the mood, and many women suppress their libido to fit into society’s imposed standards.
However, reality is quite different. Every person has their own sexual rhythm and desire, regardless of gender. Men can also experience low libido due to stress, fatigue, emotional struggles, or hormonal issues. Meanwhile, women can have an active sex life and desire sex just as much (or even more) than their partners. Unfortunately, this myth makes men feel ashamed when they refuse sex and makes women feel like they must hide or justify their desire.
Another factor contributing to this stereotype is the way desire manifests in each gender. Research shows that, in general, men experience more spontaneous desire, meaning they can feel the urge to have sex without external stimuli. Women, on the other hand, tend to have responsive desire, which is activated in response to sensory, emotional, or contextualstimuli. This doesn’t mean they want sex less; it just means their triggers may be different.
Moreover, the myth that “men always want sex” hides a serious issue: many ignore signs that something is wrong. Male sexual dysfunctions, such as low desire or erectile dysfunction, are seen as taboo, causing many men to suffer in silence and avoid seeking help. The result? Frustrated relationships and damaged self-esteem.
The key to a satisfying sex life is recognizing that each individual is unique. Some people want sex frequently, while others don’t—and that’s okay. What matters is open communication, respect, and understanding within the relationship. The real issue isn’t who wants sex more or less, but rather the lack of dialogue about expectations and needs.
Breaking free from this myth allows men and women to explore their sexuality more naturally, without guilt or pressure. Sex isn’t about gender—it’s about desire and connection.
Myth 3: Size Matters (A Lot!)
“Bigger is better!” they say. But is it really? Society’s obsession with penis size has created a factory of insecurities, turning male sexuality into a competition. But if size were truly that important, would lesbian couples have such satisfying sex lives?
Few myths are as widespread and persistent as the idea that penis size is a determining factor for sexual satisfaction. This belief, reinforced by movies, jokes, and pop culture, creates enormous pressure—especially on men. But does this notion actually hold any truth?
The Psychology Behind the Myth
The obsession with size is more a reflection of insecurity than an actual necessity. Pornography, for example, sets unrealistic standards by showcasing bodies and attributes far from the average. This constant exposure to exaggerated imagery leads to unfair comparisons and a distorted self-perception.
Many men believe that a larger penis equals more pleasure for their partner, which isn’t necessarily true. The reality is that sexual satisfaction is much more connected to emotional connection, communication, and technique than to physical measurements.
What Does Science Say?
Studies show that most nerve endings responsible for female pleasure are located within the first few centimeters of the vagina. Additionally, many women report that factors like affection, attention, and proper stimulation are far more important than size itself. Pleasure is linked to a combination of elements, such as intimacy, creativity, and self-awareness.
Social Pressure and Its Effects
Unfortunately, this myth fuels insecurities that can lead to real issues, such as performance anxiety and low self-esteem. Men who feel inadequate about their bodies may avoid intimate relationships or develop a constant need for validation. This pressure also affects women, making them believe that pleasure depends on a single physical attribute.
The Real Secret to Sexual Satisfaction
The key to great sex isn’t size—it’s chemistry between partners. Understanding both your own body and your partner’s, communicating desires, and exploring new ways to experience pleasure are far more critical for a fulfilling sex life. Techniques like prolonged foreplay, sex toys, and positions that enhance stimulation are much more effective than any anatomical measurement.
In short, it’s time to retire this limiting belief and understand that pleasure is built together. Size may be a detail, but it’s far from being the most important factor in the pursuit of satisfaction!
Myth 4: If We Need to Talk About Sex, Something Must Be Wrong
Ah, the false belief that “good sex happens naturally“! Many couples avoid discussing the topic because they assume that if everything is fine, desire should flow effortlessly. But this idea is like expecting a plant to grow without watering it. One of the most harmful and silent relationship myths is the belief that if a couple needs to talk about sex, it means there is a problem. This mindset creates a communication barrier and turns an essential aspect of the relationship into a taboo. But does silence really solve anything?
The Danger of Silence
The belief that sex should simply “flow” without the need for dialogue ignores an essential fact: each person has different experiences, expectations, and desires. Expecting your partner to guess what you want is a recipe for frustration. Moreover, a lack of communication can lead to years of silent dissatisfaction, weakening connection and intimacy.
Many people feel shame or discomfort when talking about their preferences—whether out of fear of being judged or insecurity about their sexuality. However, open communication not only enhances intimacy but also strengthens the relationship as a whole.
What Does Science Say?
Research shows that couples who openly discuss their sex life tend to report greater satisfaction and emotional connection. Talking about sex not only improves the quality of the act itself but also creates a trusting environmentwhere both partners feel safe expressing their desires and boundaries.
Additionally, discussing sex helps prevent misunderstandings and reduces insecurities. One partner might misinterpret the other’s behavior—such as seeing a lack of initiative as disinterest, when it could just be shyness or stress. A sincere conversation can clarify these issues and strengthen the relationship.
Communication as a Tool for Pleasure
Talking about sex doesn’t mean something is wrong—it shows maturity and a desire to deepen the connection. Expressing what you like, what you don’t like, exploring new possibilities, and understanding your partner’s needs are all ways to make sex more pleasurable and the relationship more fulfilling.
Creating a safe space for these conversations is essential. Small gestures, such as compliments and positive feedback, help break the ice. Choosing the right moment and approaching the topic with lightness can also make everything feel more natural.
Breaking the Taboo
If something is wrong, it’s not the need to talk about sex—it’s the fear of doing so. Silence can be one of intimacy’s greatest enemies, while open conversation paves the way for a healthier and more satisfying relationship. After all, sex is not just a physical act—it’s a deep connection between two people. And like any other aspect of a relationship, it deserves to be nurtured with attention and dialogue.
Myth 5: Couples Who Love Each Other Have Sex All the Time
Another major misconception that creates unnecessary frustration. The sexual frequency of a couple does not determine the quality of their relationship. At certain stages of life, libido may be lower, and that’s completely normal.
The idea that passionate couples are always overflowing with desire and having sex all the time is one of the most romanticized yet dangerous myths about relationships. Movies, TV shows, and social media reinforce this unrealistic expectation, making it seem like a happy relationship must involve constant sex. But is that really true?
What Really Happens in Relationships
The reality is that a couple’s sexual frequency varies based on many factors: daily routine, stress, children, mental health, fatigue, and even the length of the relationship. In the beginning, passion and novelty fuel intense desire, but over time, relationships go through natural changes—and that doesn’t mean love or attraction have disappeared.
Many people feel guilty or anxious when they realize they’re not having as much sex as they think they “should.” Comparing their experience to an unrealistic standard can create insecurity and frustration when, in reality, what matters is not the quantity, but the quality of connection.
The Pressure of Pop Culture and Social Media
The myth that happy couples always have a highly active sex life is reinforced by media and, more than ever, by social networks. Many influencers share idealized moments from their relationships, creating the illusion that marital happiness is directly tied to a frequent and intense sex life.
This ignores the fact that sex is just one pillar of a healthy relationship. Emotional connection, respect, affection, and partnership are just as important—if not more—than sexual frequency. Couples with a strong emotional bond can go through periods without sex and still maintain a satisfying and loving relationship.
What Really Defines a Satisfying Relationship
Intimacy isn’t just about sex. Acts of affection, deep conversations, mutual support, and daily moments of connection are crucial for strengthening a relationship. Desire can also be nurtured in different ways, such as exploring new experiences together, sharing fantasies, or simply showing affection in everyday life.
Instead of worrying about frequency, the focus should be on complicity and mutual satisfaction. Each couple has their own rhythm and dynamic, and there is no “right” number of times to have sex. What matters is that both partners feel comfortable and happy with their intimate life.
Breaking the Myth
True love isn’t measured by the number of times a couple has sex, but by the quality of their relationship as a whole. Respecting your own rhythm and your partner’s rhythm, without pressure or comparison, is what truly strengthens intimacy and keeps a relationship healthy. After all, love goes far beyond what happens behind closed doors.
Myth 6: If You Need Fantasies or Toys, Something Is Missing
One of the most limiting myths about sexuality in relationships is the idea that turning to fantasies or toys means something is wrong or that desire for your partner has diminished. This belief not only reduces the complexity of the sexual experience to an outdated model but also creates unnecessary barriers to innovation and pleasure.
Sex as a Field of Exploration
Sex is not a fixed equation where desire and pleasure follow a single path. On the contrary, it is a space of continuous discovery, where each couple builds their own dynamic. Introducing fantasies or toys does not mean the relationship is “in trouble” but rather that there is an interest in exploring new forms of pleasure and intimacy.
The idea that couples who are “truly in love” do not need extra stimulation is a product of a conservative and often unrealistic viewpoint. In reality, even the most stable and passionate relationships can benefit from novelty, as routinecan make sex predictable. Sex toys and fantasies are simply tools to expand the erotic repertoire and intensify the connection between partners.
Fantasies and Toys as an Expression of Trust
Contrary to the myth, when a couple decides to explore these possibilities together, it can actually be a sign of a healthy relationship with open communication. Expressing fantasies or suggesting the use of toys requires trust and vulnerability, strengthening communication and allowing both partners to better understand their own desires and each other’s.
Studies show that couples who openly discuss their sexual preferences and seek innovation are more satisfied with their intimate lives. The secret is not in how often they have sex, but in the quality and diversity of the experiences. Fantasiesand accessories do not replace intimacy—they complement it and make it richer.
Breaking the Stigma and Enjoying the Moment
There is still a major taboo surrounding the use of sex toys, fueled by the belief that only unsatisfied people turn to them. However, the truth is that these accessories can be powerful allies in enhancing sexual experiences, bringing new sensations both individually and as a couple.
Exploring fantasies or introducing new elements into the relationship does not mean that desire for your partner is fading—it means there is maturity and a willingness to keep the spark alive. Desire is something alive, and like any other aspect of a relationship, it requires care, attention, and innovation.
Reinventing Pleasure Together
Instead of seeing the introduction of fantasies or toys as a sign of failure, it is more productive to see them as opportunities to deepen the connection and make the experience even more pleasurable. After all, sex is a journey—and in this journey, creativity and openness to new experiences are essential to keeping it exciting and satisfying.
Myth 7: Simultaneous Orgasm Is the Ultimate Goal
The cinematic image of the perfect climax happening when both partners orgasm at the same time is one of the biggest illusions about sex. While it may seem romantic and even cinematic, this expectation can create more frustration than pleasure.
The Myth of Perfect Synchrony
Pop culture and pornography often portray simultaneous orgasms as a sign of compatibility and sexual perfection. However, in reality, bodies work differently, and each person has their own pace of arousal. While some reach climaxquickly, others need more time and specific stimulation.
The obsessive pursuit of this synchronized moment can turn sex into a timed race, creating unnecessary pressure and shifting the focus away from what truly matters: connection and shared pleasure.
How the Pressure for Simultaneous Orgasms Can Harm Sex
When a couple becomes overly focused on achieving orgasm at the same time, sex can lose its spontaneity. Instead of enjoying the moment and exploring sensations at their own pace, partners may start worrying too much about whether they are “arriving together,” which can make natural arousal more difficult and even lead to performance anxiety.
Moreover, this idea reinforces the belief that sex is only successful if it has a “perfect ending,” disregarding the fact that pleasure can be experienced in many different ways, regardless of when or how the orgasm happens. The pressure to synchronize climaxes can even create frustration and insecurity, especially if expectations are not met.
What Really Matters in Sex
Orgasm is an incredible part of the sexual experience, but it should not be treated as the only measure of satisfaction. The focus should be on pleasure, sensory exploration, affection, and emotional connection between partners. Sometimes, one partner may orgasm before or after the other, and that does not mean the sex was any less fulfilling.
Many couples discover that pleasure can be enhanced when they let go of the idea of synchronization and instead explore new ways to satisfy each other. Techniques like prolonging foreplay, using sex toys, or simply focusing on touch and communication can enrich the experience without the pressure of achieving climax at the same time.
Celebrating Pleasure in All Forms
Instead of chasing a simultaneous orgasm as if it were a trophy, the ideal approach is to celebrate the pleasure journey. Every person has their own rhythm, and respecting that makes sex far more enjoyable and authentic. The real secret to a satisfying sex life is not perfect synchrony but the freedom to explore, feel, and enjoy the moment without pressure.
Break the Myths, Free Yourself, and Live Better
Sexual myths are not just harmless stories—they shape mindsets, create insecurities, and can even damage relationships. By questioning these “absolute truths,” you open yourself to a more authentic experience, free from restrictions and fear, exploring what truly works for you and your partner.
At the end of the day, what really matters is connection, respect, and mutual pleasure. The rest? Well, it’s just sexual folklore.
